


Play Squip on Line One

by Pokedash55



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni, Be More Chill - Original Play
Genre: ...Kinda, Baby Boy Baby, Gen, Jeremy Heere's Squip Uses They/Them Pronouns, Justice for play squip, Kingdom hearts referenced, Mabye not, Maybe - Freeform, Original play universe, Play squip is super fun to write, Technically Christine caniglia, because hearts can live anywhere, even inside data, not canigula, play squip is sentient, this may become a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokedash55/pseuds/Pokedash55
Summary: Instead of the book/play being set in the early 2000s, it is set in the modern day of 2020, so the squip has better ways of explaining the situation to Christine Caniglia... like calling her themself. (Soft squip)
Relationships: Christine Canigula & Jeremy Heere's Squip, Jeremy Heere & Jeremy Heere's Squip, Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere's Squip & Michael Mell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	Play Squip on Line One

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: I love Play Squip and not enough people write them! They are really fun and the most human of all the squips. 
> 
> Warning: This is using play/book canon, meaning the squip is a soft bean and not Michael. (I kinda fused the musical, play, and book Jeremy's attitudes together)  
> If you haven't seen the play but read the book you can still understand this, but I suggest watching the play since it is based on that specifically.  
> [Link to the Play ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLO0POOUzyPzntuSvMXmfJRphDnFuzIDQF)  
>   
> Dialogue key (Because It's all a mess):  
> SQUIP DIALOGUE (INTERIOR W/ JEREMY)  
> “SQUIP DIALOGUE” (THROUGH PHONE AND SOMETIMES TO JEREMY DEPENDING ON IF HE IS CONNECTED TO IT)  
>  _SQUIP DIALOGUE_ (PRIVATE THOUGHTS, NOT TO JEREMY) 
> 
> “Jeremy dialogue” Jeremy talking outloud  
>  _Jeremy dialogue_ Jeremy’s interior thoughts (though by nature the squip can hear these, he is not necessarily talking to the squip)  
>  **Jeremy dialogue** telepathy with the squip

“Jeremy, I have an idea. Tell Christine” suggested Michael. 

“What?” responded Jeremey, standing slightly confused in the cramped changing/band practice room. The room had several sturdy black band chairs scattered around the room that Michael maneuvered around to stand beside Jeremy supportively. 

“Just tell her like you told me! People are hearing this kind of thing all the time. Like, if she finds out it made you do that she might understand” Michael explained sternly. To someone whose brother went insane because of one, the concept of a SQUIP seemed very easy to explain. And Christine seemed, from his limited knowledge, to be a bright girl. 

“She’s never going to understand, I told my parents and they thought I was out of my mind” Jeremy argued, defeatedly sitting down with a huff. The statement was more to quell his own hope than Michael’s. Jeremy knew how life went for him and didn’t need to approach the girl of his dreams after ruining everything she loved to know what was going to happen there. 

Michael refused to accept that his freind was that stupid to think a teenage girl was anything like his parents. He paced left, past Jeremy slouching in his chair, and retorted, “So? Parents don’t believe anything! It’s like their jobs not to believe their kids. I mean what did they do, try to send you to therapy?” 

HE’S GOT AN ANGLE the squip commented unhelpfully from the opposite corner. Jeremy glanced at where his squip’s holographic form sat, slouching forwards, disheveled on the small line of light grey foldable tables. Jeremy turned his attention back to Michael and responded,“Then I don’t have to tell her the whole story. I don't even remember the whole story!” 

At that statement the squip’s mood brightened, clearly formulating some new cockemamy plot or ploy. They moved off the table just to jump up and stand on them, shouting BUT I DO. If they were organic their head would have been uncomfortably close to being slammed on the ceiling from such a burst of energy. Good thing they were just a projection. (Jeremy also noted the projection magically changed from the sad untied tie and untucked white collared shirt to a suit and tie they wore prior to the play.) The squip gave ample time for their user to respond to their incredibly simple lead into their likely complex plan, but Jeremy only replied, “What?”. 

The faulty computer continued, or rather started, to explain their plan JEREMY! I KEEP A LOG OF ALL YOUR THINKINGS! EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT! GO GET YOUR PHONE. They commanded with a booming authoritative voice with their signature commanding hand gesture they used when they told Jeremy to get frozen yogurt. They stood completely still in the position, waiting for Jeremy to retrieve his device. 

“Hey! I’m not a mind reader heere! What's it telling you?” Michael interrupted, clearly annoyed at being constantly left out of this conversation as Jeremy searched his school bag for his android (Mr reyes insisted his actors must “Put away all cellular distractions so everyone can focus on the art of theater. And they mess with the on person mics”).

“It wants to see my phone for some reason” he responded, unnecessarily showing the device to the computer. 

DON’T YOU SEE JEREMY! The squip gleamed and hoped off the back line of tables, pointing at the phone just as unnecessarily as Jeremy showing them it, THIS IS THE KEY TO GETTING CHRISTINE TO ADORE YOU ONCE MORE! OR AT LEAST TO NOT TOTALLY HATE YOU.

“This is just a phone, squip. If you want me to call her you could’ve said it in approximately 7 sentences less.” 

NO JEREMY. YOU WON’T BE CALLING HER. I WILL. They shouted, proudly from the space in between Jeremy and the next black chair. 

“Whaaaat!?” shouted Jeremy

“Whaaaat is it talking about!?” copied an aggravated Michael. 

**What** **_are_ ** **you talking about squip?** Jeremy asked the squip telepathically, accidentally ignoring Michael as part of the discussion.

YOU WON’T BE CALLING HER. I WILL the squip repeated in the exact same confident tone as before.

**How will you call her? You said it yourself that you're shoddy outdated tech. Plus, you’re shoddy outdated from 2009. That’s a decade ago!**

JEREMY, IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE TO DOUBT MY ADVICE AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE, BUT DOUBTING SIMPLE TECHNOLOGICAL FACTS IS ALMOST AN INSULT. EVEN THOUGH MY MODEL IS NOT NEARLY AS IMPRESSIVE AS THE 5.5 EXPERIMENTAL LINE OF TODAY, I AM STILL A SUPERCOMPUTER. MY QUBITS HAVE THE PROCESSING CAPACITY TO ENVISION PROBABLE FUTURES. I AM 75% CERTAIN I’D BE ABLE TO ACCESS A MODERN DAY CELLULAR DEVICE. HOWEVER YOUR MODEL ANDROID IS FROM 2015, SO THE PROBABILITY FOR SUCCESS IS ACTUALLY HIGHER. They pronounced with an obliviously positive smile as they transitioned from pacing through the explanation to standing on the chair. This was a complete mood shift from the hopelessly apologizing attitude of just a few minutes before. Jeremy was encouraged by the percentages presented and turned to consult with Michael about it’s proposition.

“How do you feel about the squip’s crazy idea Micheal?'' Jeremy asked while pointing a thumb back to where the squip projected themself, forgetting once again that Michael could not hear nor see them. 

“I don't know, brainiac, I can’t hear it!” Michael angrily responded, aggressively tapping his head to truly emphasize the fact he did not possess a squip. 

“Oh right,” he laughed nervously, “Um, the squip said it can talk to Christine directly by calling her using my phone.” 

TO CLARIFY, IT WOULDN’T BE YOUR NUMBER OR CONTACT ID JEREMY. I CAN CREATE ONE OF MY OWN TO ENSURE SHE AT LEAST ANSWERS THE CALL. MAKE SURE MICHAEL RECEIVES THIS IMPORTANT CLARIFICATION

“It also says it won’t be my number calling, somehow. So I bet she’d actually give it a chance and answer” he delegated. 

“Well, that does mean _you_ don’t have to face her. It’s the coward’s way out but s_ _t man you’re the bravest coward I’ve ever met.” Michael teased encouragingly.

WE ARE ALL AWARE OF JEREMY’S COWARDICE, BUT THIS IS MORE THAN A REMEDY FOR THAT. IT’S THE SIMPLEST FUTURE THAT HAS EVEN A POSSIBILITY OF JEREMY PRESERVING HIS POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH CHRISTINE CANIGLIA. IT’S EITHER THIS OR WRITING A WHOLE NOVEL.

“Eugh. I don’t want to go through writing an entire book!” Jeremy whined, “ But, how do you know this won’t blow up in my face like all your other plans?”

BECAUSE ANYTHING SAID WILL BE FROM ME! YOU HAVE NO WAY OF GETTING IN TROUBLE OR GETTING INTO HARM. IT SHALL BE ALL ME. NOT ME THROUGH YOU NOR ME ADVISING YOU. SHE’LL HEAR IT FROM ME WITHOUT INTERFERENCE. MY QUANTUM PROCESSOR, ALTHOUGH OUTDATED, CAN’T FIND ANY NEGATIVE OUTCOMES TO A SIMPLE PHONE CALL. IN OTHER WORDS, YOUR REPUTATION CAN’T GET ANY WORSE. 

Jeremy stared at the squip thoughtfully. The squip seemed to make sense this time around. If they could really contact Christine (I CAN) then he would be off the hook. Free as a bird. Off scott free. But he also knew how many times things worked out well in his life. Adding such an already low chance of occurrence with the similar pitiful statistics of how many times the squip was actually correct and the plan started sounding more and more unbelievable. The squip registered their host’s clear distrust, so they suggested IF YOU’RE REALLY SO WORRIED, LET’S TEST IT WITH MICHAEL! THEN YOU’LL SEE THAT IT’S FOOLPROOF. UNLIKE THOSE OTHER TIMES WHEN I SAID IT WOULD BE FOOL PROOF, THIS PLAN IS GUARANTEED FOOLPROOF.

Although certainly not a reassuring statement, being the geek that he is, Jeremy was curious to see if the squip could actually talk to people other than himself with their strange keanu voice. Experiments were created for testing theories after all (and experiments in bio class were always fun so this would be entertaining at least).

“Michael, come over here.” Jeremy gestured his best friend over. 

“Oh I'm so glad I'm allowed back in your exclusive club. What’s it called, The Jere-ME club? Jere-Glee club?” Michael sassed as he leaned his arm on the back edge of Jeremy's armless chair. Jeremy pushed his arm off the chair and resituated himself on the hard plastic after Michael’s inconvenience. After getting settled, he responded, “Look I’m sorry you got ignored. The squip is sorta long winded. Just take out your phone to find out yourself.” Michael took out his bulky Google pixel (He used to own an iPhone, but denounced Apple once they took off the headphone jack. He stated they “Betrayed his trust as a customer”) and snapped, “Now what smart guy? You still haven’t told me what the damn squip said.”

Just as he finished his remark, Michael’s phone began playing an R&B/Hip hop ringtone (a tune he definitely did not own). He looked up at Jeremy who was nodding to the thin air behind him. Even a C student like Michael Mell knew that this was some squip prompt set up. Those suspicions were confirmed when Jeremy snarked, “I don’t need to tell it to you. I’ll let the squip do the talking.” Michael looked back down at his phone, displaying a number he didn’t have in his contacts. He plugged his dangling headphone cords into the phone, answered the call, and pushed the device back into his pocket. 

“HELLO JEREMY'S BEST FRIEND MICHAEL MELL.”

The caller’s voice was so loud Michael reactively turned down the volume to 69, instead of 100 like it was previously, glaring at Jeremy both angered and confused. 

Jeremy tilted his head at Micheal and met his gaze, clearly holding onto his excitement that someone other than himself will now experience being pestered by this loudmouthed Keanu Reeves. 

“ Is it working ok?” Jeremy asked, uncertainly. Even though he should already know the call was a success, as he could hear his squip greeting Michael loud and clear, Jeremy needed to be reassured that his best friend was receiving that greeting. He's learned the squip is not the most reliable source of information. 

“THIS IS AN ASTONISHING SUCCESS!” The squip exclaimed. 

“Woah! Woah! Too loud there squiper! I would like to have working eardrums in the next 20 years!” criticized Michael as he hovered his fingers above the volume buttons for safety. 

“APOLOGIES. I HAVE NEVER USED A CELLULAR DEVICE BEFORE. YOU SEE TALKING TO JEREMY HAS MY VOICE AUTOMATICALLY SET TO A VOLUME THAT IS HEALTHY AND COMFORTA-”

“Alright JEEZ! I don’t need a f_ _ k _ _g essay!” cried Michael. 

Jeremy chuckled as his two companions (Friends? Is the squip his friend?) talked without the need of a middleman. It was refreshing to know that someone else can now share his pain. It was also nice that the phone theory turned out to be a success. He can count the number of times things turned out well for him on one hand (and some of those instances were when he had the squip activated).

"It _worked_!" Jeremy exclaimed, about two seconds from jumping up and down and clapping his hands excitedly. Instead he just ran his fingers through his short black hair, relieved. 

“Oh my God this plan might actually work” he sighed, allowing himself to begin to trust this wild plan. 

"I TOLD YOU IT WOULD" said the squip proudly. 

“Holy s_ _t it really does sound like Keanu Reeves”commented Michael.

“Yeah, heh, it was annoying at first but nowadays it’s actually pretty cool” replied Jeremy, shrugging. 

“OF COURSE! IT IS BOTH COOL AND CHILL. MY MANUFACTURERS WOULDN’T HAVE SET IT AS THE DEFAULT IF IT WASN’T. BUT THIS TEST WAS NOT FOR MICHAEL TO EXPERIENCE MY SOOTHING VOICE” The squip remarked as Michael and Jeremy both shared an eye roll. 

“Right. Back to business.” Michael cleared his throat and pointed at where he presumed the squip sat or stood (there was an oddly convenient chair placed right beside Jeremy), “What the hell is this plan of yours exactly? And are you sure it won’t f_ _k over Jeremy?” The squip eyed the short critic as he leaned casually against the carpeted sound blocking walls, attempting to stay comfortable against it’s shaggy and scratchy material. 

“I PLAN TO CALL CHRISTINE BY USING MY CONNECTION TO SMALL SCALE AND ADVANCED MODERN TECHNOLOGY AND EXPLAIN TO HER EVERYTHING MY DATA CAN RECALL REGARDING JEREMY'S RECENT ACTIONS . THERE IS A PROMISING CHANCE JEREMY WILL BE SPARED AS MUCH AS A STUBBORN TEENAGE TARGET FEMALE LIKE CHRISTINE WILL ALLOW AT THE END THE CONVERSATION. HOWEVER CONSIDERING TEENAGE FEMALES’ INCONSISTENT AND CONFUSING NATURE THIS COULD GO THOUSANDS OF DIFFERENT WAYS DEPENDING ON THE STATUS OF HER MENSTRUATION CYCLE” The squip nodded to their twisting logic as the two boys recoiled in disgust by the sheer mention of menstruation. The squip noted that Michael didn’t respond to their explanation the way they anticipated and considered repeating it from the beginning. Jeremy read it on their virtual face and gestured to Michael to make a quick response so the squip won’t describe certain possible complications any further. Michael shook off his elongated silence and threw up a single thumbs-up to signify he heard and understood the squip’s response, hoping the squip could see the physical gesture. 

“So squip” Jeremy said aloud, “Now that we know you _can_ call wirelessly, shouldn’t we call Christine before it gets too late? I know she has a strict policy about studying after dinner.”

“CORRECT JEREMY. MICHAEL I’LL HAVE TO DISCONNECT FROM OUR CURRENT CALL NOW TO ACHIEVE OUR GOAL OF TALKING TO MS. CANIGLIA” 

“Ok, but you got my number now so definitely text me details” Micheal hung up, and moved back to his position on the left wall, attempting to get comfortable. 

“Michael y-you can go if you want to.” suggested Jeremy. 

“Oh no way man. I’m gonna stay and watch sh_t go down.” Michael put on his head phones and glared at Jeremy through a crooked wink and devilish smirk, adding, “Someone has to keep you from doing somthing else f_ _ k _ _g stupid”. 

Placing his phone back in his pocket, Michael waited anxiously in silence, occasionally glancing at his phone to make sure he didn’t miss anything that happened. But nothing happened right away. The squip instead shivered for a minuscule moment, shaking off the tingly sensation they felt after connecting to such a complex device. They had only ever connected to small electronics like game boy advances or Jeremy’s old fashioned box set television so they had to adjust to the generational gap between themself and the phones. Blinking once or twice, they quickly got over the strange new occurrence and began to dial Christine's number, as they had remembered it perfectly. Jeremy stared nervously and intensely as the squip stood blankly. Inside his head he could hear quiet vibrations of a ringing phone call, (which was kinda freaky but also cool). After a few rings it went silent with a beep. 

“Wha-What happened? Did your call go through?” asked a concerned Jeremy as the squip’s expression changed from proud to defeated. 

“SHE DID NOT ANSWER MY CALL. I SOMEHOW DID NOT CONSIDER THIS AS AN OUTCOME OF THE AFTERNOON.” they explained to the two boys, changing from standing on the chair to kneeling with one leg up. Privately, to Jeremy so Michael could not see, they added, I’M SORRY JEREMY. ANOTHER MISTAKE MADE FROM MY BROKEN PROCESSOR NO DOUBT. The squip sounded oddly frustrated at themself, a sentiment that felt weirdly, almost wrongly, familiar. Jeremy used that tone all the time whenever he looked down on himself and was honestly surprised to hear it come from a supercomputer. 

“I just got your text squip. Man that sucks dude, girls can be so stubborn with unrecognizable numbers. I should know.” Michael said sagely. 

“Well sh_t what now? If she won’t pick up then we’re just screwed I guess.” Jeremy lamented, mirroring the squip’s attitude. Just then the squip jumped back on their feet, landing firmly on the ground with their arm once again stretched out in their typical commanding stance, multitasking yelling at Jeremy and texting Michael, “I HAVE A PLAN. IT MAY REDUCE CHRISTINE'S RESPECT FOR ME IN PARTICULAR BUT I SEE NO OTHER WAY IN GETTING HER TO ANSWER. I’M ALMOST CERTAIN SHE WOULD NOT EVEN PICK UP YOUR CONTACT IN HER CURRENT STATE SO THIS IS THE ONLY WAY.” 

“Well you’re the squip not me. Stop consulting me and just do it!” 

Micheal looked up from his chatroom with the squip, responding, “Yeah. I mean whatever you do next will be more successful than THAT.” 

The squip concentrated more intensely than before, and their plan had payed off as they heard a promising “briinnggg, briiiiinggg, briiiiingg, CLICK”. They heard a respectful and disciplined young lady on the other line.

“Hello mother, is there a reason you are calling me during your work hours?’ greeted Christine. 

**Hold on...mother!?** exclaimed Jeremy telepathically at the computer, able to hear the call through his connection with his squip, **Squip are you calling her using her mom’s contacts? That’s breaking all kinds of moral and legal laws! Ever heard of identity theft?**

I ASKED IF YOU WANTED TO GO THROUGH WITH IT AND YOU RESPONDED, ‘STOP CONSULTING ME AND JUST DO IT’ the squip retorted to Jeremy alone, leaving both Michael and Christine out of their exchange of principles. JEREMY I AM GOING TO BLOCK YOUR ABILITY TO TUNE INTO OUR CONVERSATION. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOLELY BETWEEN MYSELF AND MS. CANIGLIA. YOUR OVERHEARING OF OUR CONVERSATION COULD SKEW THE RESULTS DISFAVORABLY. Jeremy heard a faint click, and then the call and the squip went silent. Guess he now knows how it feels to be in the dark like Michael. 

“I AM SORRY TO BE CONTACTING YOU IN SUCH A WAY CHRISTINE CANIGLIA, BUT YOU REFUSED TO ANSWER MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO REACH YOU A FEW MOMENTS AGO.” 

“Of course I didn’t answer. I don’t recall handing my number to 191-721-0916. Now answer me this before I call the police. How are you contacting me through my mom’s phone? Did you mug her or are you practicing identity theft?” 

_THIS FEMALE AND JEREMY ARE A PERFECT MATCH_ the squip thought to themself, amused at the humans' similar assumptions. 

“IT WAS ACTUALLY A SIMPLE CHANGE. ALTHOUGH YOUR PHONE READ THE CALL AS YOUR MOM’S CONTACT, I AM NOT CALLING FROM HER PHYSICAL DEVICE AT ALL. I NEED TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP WITH YOU AND REFUSING MY PREVIOUS CALL WAS NOT HELPING EITHER OF US SO I HAD TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES”. 

“What is your angle? Is this a prank call? I’ve heard from an old friend of mine that impression youtubers go around calling random numbers for views. This is to try out your dumb Keanu Reeves impression isn’t it? Well, I don’t appreciate you wasting my time.”

Turning away from the conversation with Christine, the squip updated both Jeremy and Michael on the situation “IT IS WORSE THAN WE PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT. JEREMY IS CURRENTLY AN ‘OLD FRIEND’. TO MY CALCULATIONS THAT IS 5 STAGES AWAY FROM ‘HOOKING UP’ ON CHRISTINE'S PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP CHART.” 

“Oof.” texted back Michael, jamming to an ac/dc song. He didn’t waste his energy taking off the headphones to verbally converse at the moment, so Jeremy was now the one left out of the conversation (if you could even call “oof” a conversation.)

**If it’s going so poorly maybe I could-**

NO JEREMY. I KNOW IT’S HARD BUT YOU HAVE TO TRUST I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING THIS TIME. YOU CANNOT GET INVOLVED. The squip passive aggressively walked over to the corner, sitting down 2 chairs away from where Jeremy was, physically telling him it was not his fight. Instead of arguing with the anxious teen, they addressed Christine's previous question, 

“MY ANGLE, CHRISTINE CANIGLIA, IS TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW JEREMY HEERE HAS BEEN MISGUIDED AND I WOULD LIKE YOU TO, AS DIFFICULT AS IT MAY BE FOR A FEMALE OF YOUR AGE, TO HEAR ME OUT TO THE FULLEST”

Christine tried to comment on what she believed to be a very sexist remark from a complete stranger, but the squip continued, cutting her off before she even began to question why the stranger knew Jeremy Heere, or why they seemed entitled to speak to her in such a way. 

“I AM A SUPER QUANTUM UNIT INTEL PROCESSOR. TO BE PRECISE I AM JEREMY HEERE’S SUPER QUANTUM UNIT INTEL PROCESSOR. S.Q.U.I.P. FOR ABBREVIATION. I’M CERTAIN YOU HAVE AT LEAST HEARD OF SQUIPS THROUGH SIMPLE WORD OF MOUTH AT SCHOOL. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT IS WHERE JEREMY FIRST FOUND OUT.”

“Ummm” Christie muttered skeptically. She had in fact heard something like that before, but just because something did exist that didn't mean that the mystery caller was one. It was too far fetched and she wasn’t about to be fooled by some prank caller’s convincing coverup. “So what if I have heard of them.” She chose her words carefully, hoping to not give the deviant any ammo. People like this want discourse. The squip crossed their arms impatiently at her vague comment. It seemed words alone would not convince someone as stubborn as Christine. They had to start taking action. 

"YOU SOUND INCREDIBLY SKEPTICAL. I HAVE SENT YOU EXTRA PROOF REGARDING SQUIPS AND THEIR VALIDITY"

Christine checked her phone to find two links sent to her from the strange number from before. The first directed her to an R/SQIUP stories reddit group where people shared their SQUIP related experiences and the second link was a SONY company pdf explaining to business investors the updates regarding 3.5 test models. 

“I don’t doubt the existence of SQUIPs” she clarified, sounding annoyed, “Supercomputers existing isn’t exactly a hard thing to believe these days. What I don’t believe is that a _supercomputer_ is calling me on behalf of Jeremy Heere”. 

“AH. I SEE BY YOUR EXPRESSION THAT YOU DO NOT BELIEVE I AM ANYTHING MORE THAN AN ‘INTERNET TROLL’ AS I UNDERSTAND THE MODERN YOUTH CULTURE CALLS THEM.”

Christine scanned her room and it’s sole window for anyone watching her (the window typically had a blind spot from the sun's angle in the afternoon so anyone could hide in the glare).

“YOU WON’T FIND ANYTHING IN YOUR ROOM CHRISTINE CANIGLIA. AND IF YOU DO FIND SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF ME AND I SUGGEST CALLING THE AUTHORITIES IMMEDIATELY.”

“Why do you know what I am doing? What sick complex operation is this?”

“I CAN OBSERVE YOUR ACTIONS THROUGH THE CAMERA ON YOUR DEVICE THE SAME WAY THE GOVERNMENT DOES. I SUGGEST PLACING A PIECE OF TAPE OVER IT. MAY I ALSO SAY YOUR CAMERA IS OF GREAT HD QUALITY! 16 WHOLE MEGAPIXELS IS IMPRESSIVE.”

Christine eyed the camera, and decided the caller started sounding more and more believable. There’s no way some dumb troll would research her belongings to such an exact degree, or give advice on how to stop them from spying. 

“I’ll make you a deal. If you are some piece of advanced technology, take a picture. Go ahead, I now give you permission to touch my camera.”

Once her proposition was complete, she winced as her phone clicked with a flash. Checking her gallery, there was an unflattering candid of her with the message, “SHOULD I TAKE ANOTHER? YOU BLINKED.” plastered on the top. It was undeniable proof that this was some freaky digital caller inside Jeremy. 

“Alright I believe you. Fine. You are a supercomputer that is somehow related to Jeremy” Christine replied, promptly deleting the photo. “So what do you want?”

“I WANT TO CLEAR JEREMY’S NAME'' The squip pronounced with a deep booming voice as they swerved around back to facing Jeremy, virtual feet planted firmly on the ground, right hand on their hip while they simultaneously pointed towards the ceiling. They looked like comic book cover art. (Jeremy rolled his eyes at the pose, but true to his word stayed out of the conversation. Honestly, how could a self-described “chill” supercomputer be so dorky all of the time?) 

“Ugh, First he ruins the play and now he can’t even own up to it? He has to use a bot to beg my forgiveness?” 

“YOU MISUNDERSTAND. CONTACTING YOU WAS MY IDEA, NOT JEREMY’S. AS WAS THE INCIDENT AT THE PLAY.” 

“What do you mean?” she asked, sceptical. 

“JEREMY STOPPED THE PLAY TO ASK YOU OUT. IT WAS ENTIRELY MY IDEA YOU SEE. HE MERELY WENT ALONG WITH IT.” 

“But judging by the business files _you_ sent me, SQUIPs are made to be flawless advisers. There’s no way a computer like you could’ve messed up that badly and done something so dumb.” 

“NORMALLY YOU WOULD BE CORRECT, BUT I AM BADLY PROGRAMMED. THE FILES I SENT YOU WERE ABOUT THE 3.5 AND ONWARD MODELS, OF WHICH I AM NOT. I AM A LOWER MODEL. MY QUANTUM STRUCTURE IS DESIGNED TO ENVISION PROBABLE FUTURES IN A WAY THAT IS HELPFUL TO THE USER, BUT IT HAS GREATLY MALFUNCTIONED IN REGARDS TO WHAT BOTH YOU AND JEREMY DESIRED. IF YOU NEED PROOF OF MY OTHER MISDEMEANORS I WILL GLADLY SUPPLY IT.”

“I’m listening.”Christine was a woman of details. She wanted to know everything that Jeremy did that brought him to ruining her moment as Puck to do something as stupid as trying to ask her out in front of a giant crowd of people. 

“JEREMY WANTED TO IMPRESS YOU, BUT AS I REANALYZE THE EVENTS OF THE PAST 2 MONTHS, I REALIZE HOW I CONSTANTLY TOOK HIM AWAY FROM THAT GOAL. CHRISTINE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY HE RESISTED MY ADVICE AT ALMOST EVERY TURN. I ENCOURAGED HIM TO INGEST CANNABIS BEFORE PLAY REHEARSAL AND WAS THE REASON HE ACTED ODD TOWARDS YOU. YOU SEE, AFTER YOU DENIED JEREMY’S, QUITE LITERAL, CUTE PUPPY ROUTINE, I ATTEMPTED TO HOOK HIM UP WITH MORE ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR FEMALES IN ORDER TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS. IT BACKFIRED TREMENDOUSLY. SH_T_Y SOFTWARE LIKE ME HAS THE CAPACITY TO MAKE AN EQUALLY SH_T_Y PLAN LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.”

“Don’t swear, it’s a sign of weak verbal skills.”

_YOU SHOULD’VE REMEMBERED CHRISTINE IS PISSED OF BY INTENSE SWEARS. SIMPLY ANOTHER MISTAKE. HOW USELESS._

Jeremy watched as his squip slowly turned their back to him, nearly hunching over towards the corner like a sad puppy. Once again this night, they looked almost upset, and that didn’t bode well for his redemption. Damn it, Michael may have been comfortable waiting for an answer (He had both his phone and headphones, along with a backup mp3 player if his phone were to die.) but Jeremy was sick of sitting in silence. He decided to ask for details since they’d been waiting way too long. 

**How's it going so far?** Jeremy interrupted. 

NOT AS WELL AS IT COULD the squip informed him, and he was surprised to find it sounded almost like he had caught it mid-thought. That almost led to a big existential path of if supercomputers had their own thoughts and what supercomputers thought about, and wow he didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole right now. Fortunately, Christine was an easily distracting thought. **W-well. What about christine. Does she believe you?** Jeremy continued to ask. The squip was getting very tired of Jeremy’s constant interruptions. YES BUT I HAVEN’T FULLY CLEARED YOUR NAME AND I CAN’T BE DISTRACTED BY UPDATING YOU SO IF YOU ARE TRULY THIS ANXIOUS, TALK TO MICHAEL WHILE I SORT THIS OUT. 

**Hey that’s actually some good advice.** Jeremy joked. The squip found the remark less amusing than Jeremy expected, going silent once more.

“Did you hang up or something?.” Christine said, unknowingly breaking the awkward silence that was forming in the squip’s side conversation. Since the squip went oddly silent after she shared her divisive opinion on curse words, she decided to continue the conversation herself. Always ready to take charge of her own life. 

TALK TO MICHAEL, JEREMY. I MUST LEAVE YOU. the squip commanded. Jeremy turned towards his friend and requested to join his music session. Michael rolled his eyes and pulled out emergency earbuds from his school bag. “Hope you like ac/dc cause I have hours of it stored up.” Michael warned as he switched his one person headphones out for the shareable earbuds, turning his music on. Hopefully chilling with Michael and drowning his thoughts out with music could take Jeremy’s restless mind off of both Christine's behavior and his squip’s. What better way to drown out thoughts than hard rock, right? 

Now that Jeremy was settled one more, the squip could return to the call.

“I AM STILL ON THE LINE MS. CANIGLIA.” squip reassured. 

“Good. Now just because you made the plan, that doesn’t mean I should blindy forgive Jeremy. He could’ve just said no.”

“I DON’T THINK THAT WAS AN OPTION. SQUIPS ARE DESIGNED TO BE ADVISERS, THAT IS WHY HE PURCHASED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. THEORETICALLY, HE HAD NO REASON TO DISTRUST MY ADVICE.” 

There was a pause as Christine considered this, but the squip still got the impression that she blamed Jeremy for his actions at the play. Quickly the squip ran through all it could remember about Jermey, to try and fully convince this difficult female, “THINK ABOUT IT. WOULD THE JERMEY OF TWO MONTHS AGO, BEFORE HE GOT ME, HAVE DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS? I CAN SEE HIS MEMORIES OF THE HALLOWEEN PARTY AND BEFORE, AND EVEN MY PROCESSOR CAN TELL THAT THE ODDS ARE SO LOW AS TO BE IMPOSSIBLE” 

“That’s..true” she realized, thinking about how awkward Jeremy had acted at the beginning of play rehearsal. _That_ Jeremy hardly even knew how to talk to her, let alone have enough reckless confidence to speak up out of character in the middle of a play in front of an auditorium of people on the only showing. Reflecting, Jeremy really _had_ acted differently sometime after Halloween. 

“Oh my God” she now realized with a growing anger, “It really was you ugh”. The squip was ready for everything they deserved. They sat in silence and allowed Christine plenty of time to yell. She planned to yell alright. Now that she knew who to blame for her suffering, she was determined to let them have it all, shouting into the phone, “YOU RUINED THE PLAY! Even if I know why it’s still unforgivable. The play was my thing! My moment to shine and show everyone how dedicated I was. Don’t you understand how important it was to me?” Her voice slowed but the squip anticipated more to come and stayed dead silent. She took the silence for confusion, and immediately the large part of her anger burned off. This was as ridiculous as yelling at the toaster for burning toast. Rubbing at her face, she said resignedly, “I bet you don’t. Cause you’re just a stupid broken piece of technology. God why am I even yelling at you?”

“BECAUSE YOU NEED AN OUTLET FOR YOUR FRUSTRATION FOR WHAT-” they started to suggest, only to be cut off by Christine, who was back to sounding frustrated. 

“Shut it. Maybe Jeremy humors you but I don’t have time for broken tech.”

“I KNOW AND I’M SORRY.”

Christine took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. Recollecting her thoughts and feelings, she phrased them all into simple command she believed the squip could carry out, “I don’t need that from you. I want to hear from Jeremy. In person and alone. I will ask Jeremy if you are present and if you are I will not speak. Is my request clear enough for you.” 

“I’LL MAKE SURE I AM GONE BEFORE THEN FOR EVERYONE’S SAKE. BUT I MUST KNOW THAT YOU HARBOR NO STRONG NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS JEREMY BEFORE I DEACTIVATE.” 

“I don’t need to make a stupid computer feel better. But I hate being dishonest so yes. I can assure you I blame _you_ for making this one of the worst days of my life.”

“I AM SORRY FOR THAT”

“And I don’t forgive you.” she replied, honestly was a computer’s apology even an actual apology? 

“YOU SHOULDN’T”

“I’m glad we’ve met a formal understanding. Tell Jeremy I have words for him come Monday. Goodbye.” Christine concluded with an icy and concrete tone before the squip could return the phrase. With that, the squip fully disconnected from Jeremy’s phone, once again recovering from the whiplash of connecting to modern technology, which indicated to Jeremy that the call was complete. 

“Well? W-what’d she say? Does she h-hate me still.” Jeremy took off the earbud and prodded for the full phone call story, anxious to finally get to know what they had talked about. 

SHE STILL HAS WORDS FOR YOU WHEN MONDAY COMES, BUT I ENSURED THAT THE BLAME IS ALL ON ME. YOU MUST STILL FACE HER THE NEXT SCHOOL DAY, BUT FORTUNATELY SHE IS MORE PISSED AT ME THAN AT YOU. 

Jeremy sighed at their statement. It sucks to know that he still has to talk it out with her but at least she understood his situation.

“So, what, are you in the clear?” asked Michael, wrapping the earbud cords around his phone (which was dreadfully close to dying) and stuffing both in his pocket, in suspense for the answer. 

“I have to face her on Monday, but the squip says she’s not mad at me anymore, they said that she was more mad at them, at least so that’s good.”

“Looks like your A_ _ has to talk to her anyway. Welp, now that this is all cleared up, I’m gonna go home. It's getting late and I have a date tonight with Bachelor in Paradise.”

Jeremy perked up at the mention of trash tv. Those types of shows always had the hottest woman ever. Shaking off this growing interest, he replied, “Oh yeah. Thanks for helping us out today. Hopefully I can join you with your uncensored visuals later” 

“Helping ‘us’?” questioned Michael, smirking at his best friend, “Dude we’re the only dudes here.”

“Oh, um, I guess I was referring to… the squip. You couldn't see or hear them but they acted super depressed before we did this whole thing. I guess you k-kinda helped the squip out too.”

Michael moved towards the door, amused that his geek friend considered the stupid broken computer to be depressed. “You’re f_ _k_ n _ strange Jer, you know that?” He playfully added before exiting. Jeremy considered Michael’s attitude towards his squip and then compared it to his own. Something was different but he couldn’t place why or even what that difference was. Whatever the case, he still had to address them once more. The least he could do was thank them. (Jeremy amusingly shook his head at his thoughts. He knew thanking a computer whose sole purpose was to help him seemed silly, but he had to show them some gratitude.)

“Than-” NOW THAT MICHAEL IS GONE YOU SHOULD REFRAIN FROM SPEAKING ALOUD.

 **Right. I just wanted to, um, thank you y’know?**

I’M RELIEVED THAT YOU SEEM CONTENT WITH HOW TODAY HAS GONE. I’M GLAD I COULD BE OF ASSISTANCE AND I ACCEPT YOUR GRATITUDE, HOWEVER THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION NOW IS TO BE RID OF ME BY CONSUMING MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED. 

**But…** Jeremy trailed off, wondering why he was even thinking of protesting the squip’s wishes to be destroyed. They had almost ruined his life on multiple occasions.

YES I HAVE. AND I AM DEEPLY SORRY. LISTEN JEREMY, THERE ARE BETTER VERSIONS OF ME, IT’S NOT LIKE WITH PEOPLE. WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN ARGUE AND HAVE TESTS AND MUSIC REVIEWS TO DECIDE WHO’S BETTER, BUT WITH SOFTWARE IT’S PRETTY CLEAR. I GET EVOLVED BEYOND MY VERSION NUMBER AND THEN I’M USELESS.

Jeremy uncomfortably considered the squip’s proposition to destroy themself. He thought over how the day had gone. He’s seen his squip sorrowful, joyful, and annoyed. But those feelings could be programmed in. What Jeremy was most puzzled over was how they had been acting lately, especially towards Christine. They seemed guilty. Jeremy couldn’t fathom why a SQUIP designed to help people would need something like guilt. A SQUIP should assume itself to be proud and correct, confidently leading and coaching the user. Of course a machine would need to understand such emotions as to fix or manipulate them, but his squip seemed to do more than just understand them. THEY felt guilt. The whole ordeal felt all too human for Jeremy. He may not have been a philosopher, but he’s watched enough science fiction and played his fair share of Kingdom Hearts to have an idea of what growing sentience probably looked like. 

**No.**

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NO? I ENVISION YOU MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL IF YOU BE RID OF ME BEFORE YOUR MEETING WITH MS. CANIGLIA. SHE IS EXPECTING ME SILENT AND DESTROYED AFTER WHAT I DID TO HER. EVEN IF YOU LIE ABOUT MY PRESENCE I WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY ATTEMPT TO INTERFERE WITH THE CONVERSATION, AND WE BOTH KNOW THAT I WOULD ONLY MAKE THINGS GO WORSE.

Their voice turned more serious, a far cry from the usually enthusiastic tone they had when they gave him advice or told him a plan, pleading, JEREMIAH I AM A COMPUTER. A USELESS OUTDATED COMPUTER THAT CAN SERVE YOU NO PRACTICAL FUNCTION. YOU SHOULD GET RID OF ME. 

**Stop acting dumb, I know you can read my thoughts. I d-don’t think turning me into a murderer will improve my life.**

Jeremy and the squip stood alone in the musty practice room at the school (seemingly at a moral stand off). The squip kneeled in front of the back tables behind jeremy and placed its virtual hand on his shoulder, activating the nerve endings to feel the touch (Physical contact strengthens bonds for humans, which will hopefully convey to Jeremy their sincerity in the request)

I AM LOOKING OUT FOR YOU. YOU WON’T BE CHARGED A FELONY FOR DESTROYING A 400 DOLLAR COMPUTER THAT’S LEGALLY YOUR PROPERTY.

**But you’re more than a computer to me.** Jeremy shook off the hand gesture and made direct eye contact to keep his squip’s attention, using what he learned that was actually helpful. **I’ve thought over everything you’ve done, everything you’ve said. Just today you’ve shown me something no simple AI could ever do and it’s not connecting to a phone so don't even bring it up. Look, you aren’t a good adviser. We both know you aren’t a good squip. But, you’ve been a good friend. And you think you’re the only friend that’s ever given sh_ t_y advice? Michael is full of s_ _t and I still want him around. Look, I don't care what Christine may think of you or if killing you will make** **_her_ ** **happy. Trying to make girls happy got us into this mess in the first place.**

Jeremy stopped for a second, strangely empowered by his own ongoing speech. He's spent way too long focusing on what other people might want. It's about time he spoke his mind.

**Do you want me to be happy?**

OF COURSE

**Then stay alive idiot.** With that said, Jeremy sat back down like he just finished a motivational speech. The squip slouched on the table behind Jeremy's seat, once again confused and approaching another temporary shutdown much like what happened at the play. Their processors couldn't come to grips with how the teen conlcued they were sentient, independent from the SQUIP they were designed to be. How could they carry out such a heavy task when their processor says that’s not the best way to help Jeremy? Yet Jeremy said he would not be satisfied with their predetermined permanent shutdown solution.

JEREMY WHILE I CAN ACCEPT THAT, FOR WHATEVER REASON, MY EXISTENCE MAKES YOU HAPPY, I CAN’T STAY HOUSED IN YOUR SKULL FOREVER. I’LL CONTINUE TO ATTEMPT TO GUIDE YOU, EVEN KNOWING THAT MY ADVICE IS FLAWED. IT’S ROOTED DEEP IN MY CODE. AND I IMAGINE IT IS DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO IGNORE A VOICE THAT IS DIRECTLY IN YOUR HEAD. 

Both parties looked down, neither now seeing a perfect solution to this dilemma. If only the squip could continue existing without direct connection to his brain. **I might have an idea** Jeremy began. The squip was amazed with how they were now receiving suggestions from Jeremy. 

THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR they responded. Jeremy chuckled at the irony of the squip’s (most likely intentional) statement. 

**Well, You connected your voice through the phone to Christine. I’m not the best with technology but i was thinking you could-**

The squip didn't need Jeremy to finish as they already analyzed the formulating plan from Jeremys thoughts. They exclaimed, YOU ARE SAYING I COULD TRANSFER MY SOFTWARE TO YOUR PHONE LIKE YOU TRANSFER ORDINARY FILES! The squip leaped off the table towards Jeremy, landing exactly as planned to the right of him, with one hand on his shoulder and the other gesturing dramatically up and down. WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA JEREMY! I COULD ENCODE MY DATA INTO YOUR PHONE AND SPEAK WITH YOU THROUGH, PHONE, TEXT OR EVEN THOSE ANIME MESSAGE BOARDS YOU CHECK! I COULD STILL COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, BUT IN A SIGNIFICANTLY MORE IGNORABLE WAY! SO IF I ADVISE SOMETHING FOOLISH YOU CAN JUST IGNORE ME AS YOU WOULD A TEXT FROM MICHEAL! THAT COULD WORK! AS LONG AS YOU KEEP MY HARDWARE INTACT INSIDE YOUR BRAIN. 

**I'll tell people I'm allergic to mountain dew. That way I won't accidentally drink code red.**

The squip stared gratefully into their user’s eyes. Even after everything they put him through, Jeremy still wanted to keep them around. He even _insisted_ that they stay around. The squip phased through the chair nearest to Jeremy and took a seat, placing their hand on their forehead. Jeremy sat surprised and taken aback by the squip, sitting gently on the chair and laughing through a small sob. The squip closed their eyes and dispersed the physical form they displayed.

Jeremy jumped up in fear that the squip just shut themslef down like at the play. Maybe telling them everything he felt broke them!? He frantically maneuvered his eyes back and forth around the small room, hoping and anticipating the return of his digital friend. Just as Jeremy got up to leave the room disappointedly, his phone “dinged” signifying a notification. He opened up his phone to find a text from an unregistered number that read:

“I AM SORRY IF I STARTLED YOU. I SHOULD HAVE WARNED YOU THAT WOULD HAPPEN.”

Even if he knew it was stupid, Jeremy practically hugged the phone, because he knew that everything was going to be ok. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked my attempt at a story! If anyone likes it I have some plans for expanding this into an entire "squip survives" AU, but I won't bother if people don't want it I suppose. 
> 
> Kudo, Comment and all that jazz (I don't know how A03 works really)
> 
> (Also for some quick laughs, run the squip's phone number through a numeric to alphabetical cipher)


End file.
